Good Girls…Do

Don’t what? Wear short skirts? Go to bars? Have good sex? Eat chocolate? Say no? What exactly is “good?” I have visions of virgins floating in the ether, blindly obeying the dictates of their parents, forgoing all temptation until they are metaphorically plucked by their future husband, deflowered, and expected to transition into a vixen with near pornographic skills in the bedroom—who never says no to the demands of her husband. After living over 50 years, I’ve made a little change to this particular bit of wisdom: Good girls don’t… talk about it.

I have always maintained two personas. There’s the “front of curtain” person who does as she is expected to do, makes good choices, rarely says no to any request, and lives a pretty virtuous (read: tame) life. Then, there’s the behind-the-curtain person who… well, let’s leave you in the front of the curtain for purposes of this little book. The challenge is to resist the urge to shock and awe with tiny glimpses into my backstage world. My experience has been that people love to load their cannons with ammunition and fire that cannon at the least opportune time. Where men gain points for their adventures, women still—despite decades of progress—pay a price, being shamed for saying no, or worse, saying yes.

Generations of women got a birds-and-bees conversation that consisted of how sex was a duty women were expected to tolerate but would not (or should not) enjoy. Our job as a good girl, or wife, was to please men. The message was also clear: if we pursued or enjoyed the act, we would no longer be seen as a good girl, would be less valued by our future spouse, and shamed in our community. Again, I have visions of those fallen angels—this time branded with scarlet letters for their fall from grace.

Because of this stigma, I wonder how many girls are given adequate preparation for the act of sex—or any other act of individual agency. If our parents and teachers aren’t prepared to be reliable sources of information on these life skills, we may find generations being educated about sex, sexual roles, and sexual health from the internet. Perhaps a new generation of good girls—or at least smart girls—do. They do learn. They do talk. They do take responsibility for their own voices, choices, and desires.

💡 Before you click away, here’s something to carry with you:
Something to Think About: What’s one “good girl rule” you grew up with that no longer fits you? How would you rewrite it today?