Unfinished Wisdom

I’ve never met a firefighter who didn’t still call himself a firefighter, even years after hanging up the gear. Same goes for teachers, nurses, soldiers, pastors, professors. Once you’ve lived inside a role that long, it doesn’t just describe what you did — it becomes who you are.

That’s the sticky part about retirement. We talk about pensions and Social Security, downsizing and 401(k)s, but we don’t talk nearly enough about identity. For decades, the answer to “Who are you?” was simple: I’m a teacher. I’m a nurse. I’m an engineer. I’m a parent raising kids. But then the classroom empties. The patients belong to someone else’s care. The kids grow up. The uniform goes back on the hanger.

And suddenly the question feels a lot heavier: If I am not what I do…who am I?

The truth is, this isn’t really a retirement question. It’s a human one. We’ve been taught to equate our worth with productivity, with roles, with output. We are praised for what we do far more than for who we are. But aging eventually pries those roles from our grip, whether we’re ready or not.

The work — the real, sacred, messy work — is in the journey of finding out who’s underneath. The part of you that still exists without the uniform, the paycheck, the job title, the tidy elevator pitch.

I’ve watched people go through it in different ways. Some grieve the loss of identity like a death. Others throw themselves into new roles, hoping to swap one name tag for another. And then there are those who learn, slowly and tenderly, that they were never only what they did. That maybe the essence of “firefighter” wasn’t about the fire, but about courage. That maybe “teacher” was really about nurturing curiosity. That maybe “nurse” was really about healing. Those qualities don’t retire. They live on, reshaped into new expressions.

So maybe the better question isn’t Who am I without my work? but How does the best of me want to show up now?

Journal Spark: When you take away your job title or your most familiar role, what qualities remain that feel essentially you? How do you want to live them forward?

💡 Before you click away, here’s something to carry with you:
Something to Think About: When you take away your job title or most familiar role, what qualities remain that feel essentially you — and how do you want to live them forward?